


Black

by counterfeiit



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Harry Potter - Freeform, Marauders, Marauders era, sirius black fanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-28 00:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5071552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/counterfeiit/pseuds/counterfeiit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Explore the life of Evelyn, a Gryffindor witch in her seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry through her diary and the help of the one and only, Sirius Black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the First Day of Black Mayhem

**Tuesday**

**September 1, 1977**

**Kings Cross Station**

SIRIUS BLACK IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST DREADFUL PERSON TO EVER BE BORN.

IN FACT, I AM NOT ENTIRELY SURE THAT HE IS A PERSON. HE'S PROBABLY A LEECH THAT'S BEEN TRANSFIGURED INTO A HUMANESQUE FORM.

I don't even know what he was thinking, I mean honestly? I DON'T CARE IF HE WAS GOING TO BE GIVEN THIRTY GALLEONS OR THAT I WOULD RECIEVE HALF OF THEM. I HONESTLY DON'T CARE.

There I was, I had just said goodbye to my mother and father and pushed my trolley through the barrier when he jumped me! No "Hi Bishop!" or "Fancy seeing you here at the train station for the school we both attend!" It in fact sounded awfully a lot more like "Despite the fact that you despise me I think we should snog!" (Except without the despising part)

WHAT

I MEAN HONESTLY

IS HE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BONKERS

HAS HE BEEN DRINKING A BIT TOO MUCH BABBLING BEVERAGE?

Well, I had just walked in and I was positively ambushed from behind, and well naturally I thought it was Lily or Charlotte but NO. It might have been the force of the hug, but really, when he whispered, "I think we should snog," I knew it couldn't have been either of them (unless they had developed an odd Eva fetish overnight).

That was when I performed my favourite manouver and kicked his shin. Hard. Very, Very hard. I am unaware if it's just me, but kicking people gives me a certain sort of happiness, especially when one of those people is a member of the Maurauders.

"What the bloody hell did you do that for Bishop?" Sirius growled, clutching his  _injured_ shin. I stared at him, a smug smirk on my face.

"I could ask you the same question, Black." I grabbed a few strands of hair and twirled them between my fingers. Sirius frowned and narrowed his eyes. "Or have you forgotten already?" I jutted in. "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?"

Sirius' grin returned to his face. "Oh," he said brightly. "That."

"Yes," I glowered at him. "That. Mind telling me how life as the only living brain donor is?"

My poor attempt at insulting him ended up with his grin spreading even wider than it previously was. "Well I'm pretty sure you heard me the first time Bishop, but if you so desperately want to hear me say it again then sure."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I retorted.

Sirius took a step closer. "I think that we should snog."

Ahh, there it was  _again._

Here enters James Potter, the complete and utter (though not as much as Sirius) hare-brained fool, with the witty, "Well aren't you two bipolar today?"

"Well if you wouldn't mind telling me WHY HE'S LOST HIS MIND I would quite possibly be slightly more agreeable," I glowered.

James beamed. "Oh, yes. I thought it would go down a bit like this. You see, I woke up this morning and thought, my oh my, what would be a good way to make today a bit more interesting? I always have galleons to spare -"

"Arrogant toerag," I muttered.

"-So I told Padfoot here that if he got you to kiss him I'd give him thirty galleons."

" _Thirty galleons!"_

James smiled smugly. "Yep, thirty. But of course he wasn't able to do it so.. no one gets any money."

"Yeah," Sirius whined. "And I was going to give you half!"

Now I had two people to glower at and it wasn't even 11 O'clock yet! Speaking of 11 O'clock, the rather helpful clock on the wall read 10:47, and well, that meant I had to yank my trunk over to the accomodating trunk lifter and hop onto the Express.

I stared at them for a bit after that.

"Well?" Sirius inquired.

"Well I'm terribly not sorry that this less-than-pleasant experience must come to an end, but the Express and the company of pleasantly sane people is calling me, so ta ta boys!" Was my immediate reply, however my preposterous idea of a mouth muttered something more along the lines of, "I'm terribly sorry that this pleasant experience must come to an end, but the Express is calling me!"

Well.

Oops?

This left both boys staring at me in a rather befuddled manner, so I decided to go with it and flounce off. Take that boys, take that.

The train was still delightfully half-empty. The first years were all still wandering hopelessly around the platform, and the second and third years  _still_ hadn't gotten the get-on-the-train-earlish-to-get-good-seats memo. The fourth years and fifth years had taken up some of the compartments, and the sixth years were standing around gossiping  _outside_ their chosen compartments, leaving the sevenths years to get on the train hopefully before all the good compartments were taken.

My compartment was the third one to the back, and luckily was still empty (after I kicked out some atrociously behaving fourth years with the threat of removing house points). Ahh the wonders of being a prefect. It was barely 10:50 so of course Lottie wasn't here yet. Her punctuality resembled the remains of a three-hundred year old leaf that had crumbled away  _299 YEARS AGO._

Lily was the more punctial of us three, and knowing her, was already in the Prefects compartment, being Head Girl and all. Now that I mention it - I should probably be there (I know, shocker), but I had to wait until that ruddy friend of mine appeared so she could TAKE CONTROL OF THIS COMPARTMENT!

Well speaking of the devil, here she is now.

**Tuesday**

**September 1, 1977**

**The Hogwarts Express**

SO.

I HAVE DISCOVERED SOME THINGS.

INTERESTING THINGS.

THAT I SHALL PROCEED TO DOCUMENT.

After Lottie blustered into the compartment, hair sticking up all over the place like an electrocuted chihuahua, I was successfully able to enter the prefects compartment.

WELL GUESS WHO WAS BLOOMING HEAD BOY!

JAMES BLOODY POTTER.

That absolute twunt head was HEAD BOY.

Well that was possible the most unexpected development. I was fully expecting THE MOST REALISTIC OPTION, also known as REMUS LUPIN, to have had Head Boyness bestowed upon his perfect-screwed-correctly-on head.

WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?

I WAS FULLY EXPECTING MY FUTURE HUSBAND (not that he knows) TO BE HEAD BOY. HE DESERVES IT.

The other interesting thing that I discovered whilst in the prefects meeting is that despite his many and large and obvious and abundant faults, James Potter makes a halfway decent head boy.

I NEVER SAID THAT OKAY DIARY?

_OKAY EVA._

OKAY.

Okay.

**Tuesday**

**September 1, 1977**

**Still on the Hogwarts Express**

Well after the fatefully woeful prefects meeting Lily sort of stormed off to our compartment in a headgirlish manner (and by that I mean walked too calmly but with VERY heavy footsteps).

Lottie, being Lottie, noticed Lily's faul mood as soon as we walked in. "What's got your hippogryph in a twizzle?"

Lily glowered and scowled and made all sorts of obscenities before answering. "Potter, the bloody prat, was made Head Boy." After that announcement I'm eighty percent sure Lottie's eyes opened wider than her face.

"He what?" She spluttered, her mouth opening and closing with an awful similarity to a fish.

"Head Boy I tell you. Dumbledore's completely and utterly off his rocker, he's gone barmy, lost his bloody marbles!" Lily threw her hands up in the air.

"He's crazy," I echoed helpfully.

"What was he thinking?" Lottie yelped. "That's really rotten luck Lily."

"I know," Lily grumbled, plonking down next to Lottie. "Potter'll probably be too busy RUINING MY LIFE to pay any attention whatsoever to his Head Boy duties. What's the bet he'll destroy the school while he's at it."

After Lily had finished ranting about James Potter (James is pretty much to Lily what Sirius is to me), we were able to settle down and play a riveting game of expoding snap. We can all agree on playing that particular game, and well, I'd rather exploding snap than gobstones.

Lily's rather peculiar as she actually focuses in school, and she's good at potions. Honestly, who's good at potions besides Severus Snape? Lily is apparently. Lottie and I think she bribes him to help or, or he just writes all her essays. Besides, he's half in love with her. Her hair is rather well, red, and crazy. The first thing James Potter said to her was to ask if her head was on fire, and well, that probably started their hundred-year war.

Lottie's the only one of us who's actually related to someone magical - her mum's a witch (Lily's muggleborn like me). She has a sister (Julie) who's in fifth year, and a brother (Mark) in third year. Lottie's very quiet - except with the people she knows and she likes to sleep. A lot.

And well -

Oh wait.

Oh not now.

**Tuesday**

**September 1, 1977**

**STILL ON THE HOGWART EXPRESS**

MORAL OF THE STORY: Remember to tell friends about certain snogging related incidents before the other persons involved tell them.

So in after we had finished our intense game of exploding snap GUESS WHO CAME IN THE DOOR!" No warning, no knocking, no "Hi guys, we're your least(ish) favourite people can we annoy you some more?"

Instead James and Sirius flung open the compartment door and barged inside.

Lily's face turned red. " _What,_ do you think you are doing?" She seethed.

James pretended to think before answering, "Well I'm pretty sure we're just sitting in here."

Lily was about to yell at him when the door opened  _again_ and Peter and my one and only true love, Remus Lupin, hopped in. "Oh hi boys and girls," Peter chimed. "Fancy seeing you here!"

Remus sat down on my right (swoon), across from James who had succesfully squished himself in next to Lily. Peter squeezed in between the wall and Lottie, who was opposite Sirius, who had decided to sit next to yours truly (I'll kill him later).

"I know," Sirius replied. "Odd, right?"

I don't know how Remus puts up with that terror as a mate. It must be his maturity.

"I don't know what you think you're doing in here Potter," Lily growled, "But I think you should leave."

"Oh?" He replied. "Well I'm not here for you Evans, we're here for Abbot!"

"Huh?" About fifty percent of the people in the room replied.

"Oh yes!" Sirius grinned. "Earlier on the platform we were talking about the most  _interesting_ subject, and we thought we should continue that conversation."

Oh.

My.

"What conversation?" Lottie asked, confused.

"Merlin's beard Black! Do you have problems with rejection?" I spluttered.

"What conversation?" Lottie echoed, still confused.

James and Sirius grinned.

"Well," I divulged, "Long story short, Potter's paying Black thirty galleons if he can get in a nice snog with me."

Lily's eyes bulged and Remus choked on his water.

"He what?!" Lily bellowed.

Yup. Lily has a very strict anti-potter policy. She also has a very strong dramatic gene.

James appeared unconcerned with Lily's reaction. "Well you see, I had this money just lying around and I -"

"OUT POTTER," Lily growled. James looked slightly startled at Lily's outburst but remained seated. "I said get  _out_ Potter!" Lily said again, putting full force into her anti-Potter glare.

"Wha

Tuesday

September 1, 1977

Hogwarts Dormitory

Oops. Spilt my ink.

It's almost 12:30am now so I'm not going to finish recounting the entire story but you get the basic idea. Lily yelled, James left and then Lily yelled at Sirius, leaving Peter, Remus, Lottie and I to sort of look confused, but eventually all the maurauders were gone. Then Lily had the nerve to yell at me! At me!

What had I done?

Now that I think about it, why was she so upset? It wasn't even about her.

She's completely bonkers.

Ooh, my owl, Selene, just arrived with the anual  _you just arrived at school it's been a day I can't handle the separation_ letter from my mother.

I'll read it in the morning. It's too late for me to write what else happened last night.

I need to sleeeeeepppppp.

 


	2. The Day My Friends Went Psycho

**Wednesday**

**September 2, 1977**

**Gryffindor Dorm**

_Dearest Evelyn,_

_How was your train ride, and how are Charlotte and Lily? Thanks for leaving Selene with us, otherwise it could have been weeks before I heard from you! I fed her some of the owl treats you left us if that's okay. And tell Lily congratulations on her making Head Girl from your father and I. Hope all is well,_

_Lot of love,_

_Mum._

It is now approximately six-thirty in the morning and everyone in my dorm is asleep. There's two other Gryffindor girls in my dorm besides Lily, Lottie and I - Alice Sturnam and Marlene McKinnon.

I'm not too close with Alice, but Marley's on the quidditch team with me so we're friends. Alice hangs out with the Hufflepuffs - mainly her boyfriend, Frank Longbottom - but we still talk and say hi to each other. Marley's one of the beaters - I'm a chaser, along with one half of the bloody prat duo, James Potter, who not only managed to become Head Boy, but he snagged bloody quidditch captain as well! That captaincy was  _mine_ I tell you! Mine!

Mum always sends letters on the first day of school - it's some weird tradition of hers. I've just ended not bringing Selene to school with me - just her cage - so that mum can write her letters. She's so, well,  _clingy._

Anyway. Six-thirty. I'm a bit of an early bird. Not sure how that happened - in fifth year you couldn't get me up in time for breakfast. I'm not sure why, but halfway through my sixth something just  _clicked_ and I started waking up before seven.

No-one wakes up at six-thirty I tell you. Classes start at nine so most people are up from seven-thirty to eight-thirty, and consequently, the great hall is always mostly empty, which makes it an excellent time for breakfast!

 

**Wednesday**

**September 2, 1977**

**Great Hall**

Well I'm sitting across from Dorcas Meadowes, the wonderful sixth year who completes our Gryffindor quidditch team three-woman club. She's the keeper, and bloody great good one at that. I swear, if Dorcas wasn't here we'd all be clawing our way out the graves we'd have been buried alive in. Bloody Slytherins.

Besides Dorcas, Marley, one Bloody Prat and I, there's Thom Mickle, he's a third year, and the seeker. Martin-George McGonagall completes our chaser three, and he's a fourth year and McGonagall's nephew to boot (there was  _obviously_ no favouritism/coercion involved in his making the team), and, well, we can't forget Johny 'meathead' Morris, who is actually friends with Dorcas, believe it or not. Well I guess it makes sense, actually, as they're both sixth years, but well, as his name suggests, he's not particularly bright.

 _Anyway,_ I'm sitting across from Dorcas, which isn't unusual, but she isn't talking, which  _is_ unusual.

"Dorcas. Meadowes. Dorc."

She lifted her head and glowered at me. "Bishop."

Whoah. Dorcas wasn't normally a last name type person. "Uh, Dorcas, uh you doing okay?"

I swear in that moment I thought she was going to hex me. "I was until some bloody idiot dropped a bucket of flobberworm mucus onto my head as I was coming down the stairway."

Ahh, that was the smell. "Peeves?"

"No. The idiots left a note," and here, that's when she narrowed her eyes at me. "It's for you."

I blanched. Of course. Sirius Black. Turning my friends against me since '59. "Uh, thank you?"

She just continued glaring and passed the note over. It read:

_Dearest Evelyn Katherine Olivia Bishop,_

_Please reconsider yesterday's proposition._

_Remember, 30 galleons are at stake. You could buy perfume to cover that horrible smell with that money._

_Lots and lots of love,_

_Your one-and-only. XXX_

Sirius Black the bloody git. Wait! How did he know about the Olivia! Only Lottie and Lily knew about the Olivia! I swear, if one of them squealed. Anyway, Black has absolutely no social awareness, like literally none. You don't just go around dropping buckets of flobberworm mucus on girls that you're trying to get to snog you! I mean seriously!

Besides, if it was anyone besides me, I'm sure they'd be jumping at a chance to get a snog in with Sirius Black. Wait! An idea! I'll get Lily to make me some polyjuice potion, and then I'll feed it to one of his groupies and get them to kiss him, and he'll think it's me! Brilliant! I'll get my 15 galleons and Black'll be none the wiser.

"Bishop! Are you even listening to me?" Oops. "I said, do you know who this is? What proposition?" Dorcas was sort of waving the note in my face like a fan so I thought I'd put an end to that and grabbed it.

"Uh, absolutely no idea!"

Dorcas glowered and tried to snatch the note back. "Bishop!"

"Actually, Dorc, I just realised I have to do something with Lily, like, right now, so I'll get back to you on that." I stood up and rushed away from the Gryffindor table, leaving her with a vaguely gobsmacked expression on her face.

Phew.

Dorcas' face was so interesting that I forgot to look where I was going and what do you know, I decided it would be a good idea to run straight into none other but Sirius Black.

"Evelyn! Just the person I wanted to see!"

Oh how I wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face.

Black plucked the note out of my hand and smiled. "I see you got my note, and don't you smell," he sniffed, "divine." A look of confusion flashed across his face. "Wait, Bishop, you actually smell really good. How on earth did you get the smell off you that quickly?"

I almost laughed. I probably would have if he hadn't put in that jab about me smelling  _really good._

"What smell?" I smiled. "Why wouldn't I smell lovely? This is just my morning glow!"

His look of confusion did not falter.

"Oh, but Dorcas over there met with a nasty surprise this morning!" I looked back to see her looking over at us with a frown. "Apparently someone dumped a bucket of flobberworm mucus on her! The horror!"

It was nice to see Black struggle.

"You mean that-"

"Yes Black, you git. And now she's ready to kill someone."

Black blanched and pushed his hair out of his face. (I really should make a tally of how often he does that). "Damn it."

What an idiot. I swear, sometime he ju

 

**Wednesday**

**September 2, 1977**

**Charms**

Sorry diary. Was writing in my dorm before I realised I had to go to Herbology. And guess how many of the marauders are doing Herbology? Four of them. All bloody four (well bloody three). It did however give me a chance to stare at the back of Remus' head and swoon whilst Lottie gave me weird glances and Lily glared daggers at Potter.

Lily didn't really talk to me this morning, I think she's still annoyed about the whole snogging incident.

Black only asked me to snog him twice in Herbology! I think there's hope for him yet. He also only touched his hair a total of seventeen times.

Anyway, now it's charms and again, all the marauders (how did they even come up with that name anyway?) are here. Today Flitwick's trying to teach us how to do nonverbal charms. I'm excellent at it (well I can talk myself up in my own diary, can't I?) as usual, and well afterall Charms is my best subject.

I have no doubt in my abilities, and that's why I'm using this opportunity to scribble the day's events doww

Dammit. Some git just chucked a ball of parchment at me.

Oh, it's Black. What a git. I swear he should be put on a leash.

The letter reads:

_Bishop._

_Meet me at lunch. Library. Ancient Runes section._

How about no? I write it on a blank piece of parchment and throw it back at him. The reply comes quickly.

_Bishop._

_This is not up for discussion._

Uh, yes it is up for discussion.

While Flitwick's not looking I charm two pieces of parchment (well thanks Black, now I'm low) to pick up any ink written onto either. Our conversation goes as bellow. ( **Black** , Eva)

What are you talking about you imbecile?

**You're the imbecile, Bishop. I really need fifteen galleons.**

Uh you're crazy. High off of babbling beverage. Slughorn won't be happy you've been into his private stock.

**I'm not high on babbling beverage you idiot. MEET ME IN THE LIBRARY.**

Wowzers.. no need to be so... LOUD.

**STOP AVOIDING IT BISHOP. I'LL BE AS LOUD AS I WANT. LIBRARY. LUNCH.**

NO.

**YES.**

That's not going to work Black. It's a NO from me.

**Very well then. I'll convince you somehow.**

Doubt it.

**After classes?**

Quidditch practice you moron. Don't you know Potter's got us all training like it's the bloody match tomorrow!

**Oh yeah.**

Our conversation ended after Flitwick took one glance at me and frowned. "Impressive charm work Miss Bishop, however, not what you are supposed to be doing."

Flitwick loves me.

 

**Wednesday**

**September 2, 1977**

**Great Hall**

**Sirius Black Hair Touch Count (SBHTC): 24**

So Tammy's nowhere to be seen, which I suppose is a good thing, because then Lily would ask more questions, and well, I'm not emotionally prepared enough for that yet.

Lily's sitting next to me, absolutely  _fuming,_ and Lottie's got her head buried in a bloody book again. At least Lottie knows how to avoid Lily's wrath. Lily seems to be permanently angry. Lottie seems to be permanently un-angry. I think I'm somewhere in-between.

Anyway, apparently Potter used  _densaugio_ on Lily in the corridor, and she had to go see Pomfrey to get her teeth shrunk down.

Potter's a git. And speaking of gits, 3/4 of the marauders are sitting slightly down from us at the Gryffindor table. They're probably too nervous of Lily without Potter around, but Black keeps shooting me these looks, like they're supposed to mean something.

I'm doing an excellent job of ignoring them.

I don't know why, but Remus is looking particularly fine today. Maybe the sun's shining, or the way he parted his hair is different, but he looks positively  _gorgeous._

Lottie's also shooting me these funny looks, from the corners of her eyes above her book. Dammit Lottie.

I lean over the table when she's not looking at me and whisper, "Why the weird face."

I totally anticipated the shriek of surprise. Now all 3/4's of the marauders are looking over and damn, I hope I make a good impression (on Remus, duh).

Anyway, trying to ignore them, I lean over and re-ask the question. "Huh, Lottie? What you doing?"

She covers her mouth with her book and hisses "You're giving Remus these funny looks, and Black's giving you these funny looks, and I really hope you're not engaging in a three way."

I pull a face. "Ew, Black's a git."

"A hot git."

I can't believe she just said that. I think she realizes what horror just escaped her mouth because her eyes open really wide and she starts stuttering.

"I, uh, well you know, he uh, well, is."

I raise an eyebrow.

"I can't believe I just said that, I think I need to cut out my tongue."

Lily decides to tune in at this moment, and quite loudly exclaims (yes I can use big words) "Why do you need to cut out your tongue?"

This, quite sadly, engages the attention of the trio who decide it would be a good idea to move on down and join the conversation (because it obviously wasn't private or  _anything._ )

"Why do you need to cut out your tongue Lottie?" Sirius barks (HA! I made a funny).

"I uh," Lottie splutters. Meanwhile, I'm both trying to gauge Remus' reaction to this conversation, and trying not to die of embarrassment. "She said your name, Black, and it was such a horrible thing to say that she can't survive any longer."

Black laughs at that. Git. It wasn't supposed to be funny. "And why did she say my name? Talking about how good-looking I am?"

I stare at Lottie and try to will her with my eyes not to blush.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW SHE BLOODY BLUSHES.

Black's look of laughter turns to one of disbelief. "You're kidding."

Lily goes white.

"We were merely discussing your groupies and how there are so many guys hotter than you in the school." Good one Eva. I mentally high-five myself.

"Oh, is that true? And who might those people be?"

Dammit Black.

"Uh, well, there's uh, Mark Abery, and Longbottom, and-"

Black raises an eyebrow. "Mark Abery's a fifth year."

I nod, "A  _hot_ fifth year."

Remus chokes on his pumpkin juice. He seems to be doing that a lot lately, choking on things that is.

Lottie nods in agreement, understanding my plan (my evil plan HAHAHAHAHAha just kidding). "And yeah, there's Martin-George and uh, Dumbledore."

Remus chokes again. I pat his back sympathetically.

"Are you quite alright in the head?" Peter asks. "I thought Lottie was actually sane."

Lily finally recovers and slams her hands on the table, causing us all to jump.

"You know what, it's really none of your bloody business, is it. Mark Abery's very hot. Hotter than you. Hotter than all of you."

"Who's hotter than me?"

Oh, it was nice of Potter to join the party.

"Everybody is hotter than you, Potter. Even Severus is hotter than you."

Oh no.

Not good.

Bad idea Lily.

BAD IDEA LILY.

Potter arches an eyebrow. "Snivelus, the greasy-haired Slytherin sap? Now you've lost your marbles Lily. You must be blind if you think Snivelus is hotter than me."

"It's true," Peter echoes, not entirely helpfully.

"Oh screw you, Potter," Lily glares.

He smirks. "Gladly.

Lottie musters up whatever courage lives inside her body (she is a Gryffindor afterall) and stands up. "Actually I've just remembered that Lily has somewhere to be, doesn't she Eva."

I nod, obviously.

"And where might that be?" Black asks.

Potter and Lily are having a glare-off it would seem.

"Wherever you aren't," I smile and grab Lily's arm. "Lil, we're leaving, now."

Lily continues glaring at Potter but skulks off silently behind us. I can see Peter cackling to himself, and Sirius trying his hardest not to.

Lottie and I rush Lily out of the Great Hall as quickly as humanly possible.

 

**Wednesday**

**September 2, 1977**

**Library, Charms section**

**Sirius Black Hair Touch Count (SBHTC): 24**

Finally, a chance to write.

After that awful incident in the Great Hall, we rushed Lily back to our dormitory where she fumed and ranted about "Potter this" and "Potter that" for the rest of lunch.

After she calmed down we were able to go to Ancient Runes, our only release from the Bloody Prat Trio. Luckily for me, Remus is in our class, so he sits near us other Gryffindors.

Luckily for us, Ancient Runes begins rather slowly, and so we were only set to translating an easy text.

After Runes we had DADA where we successfully avoided the marauders and instead put great focus into learning about werewolves with Professor Murphy. I was happy to see the marauders look uncomfortable, serves them right. Except Remus, he should always be happy.

Anyway, now I'm holed up in the library, attempting to start on my charms essay before bed. Maybe Flitwick doesn't love me as much as I though he did.

I almost forgot! After lessons we had quidditch practice, and Potter seemed more annoying than usual, and I suppose I had Lily to thank for that. Tammy seemed back to normal, which was good, I suppose, but I think my legs will never recover from our 'fitness workout.' Bloody quidditch.

Oh look! 11o'clock. I should probably go to bed before Pince starts cursing in french at me.

Ta ta until tomorrow diary!

 


	3. To Snog or NOT to Snog

**Thursday**

**September 3, 1977**

**Gryffindor Common Room  
(Edit: and the Great Hall, sadly)**

I've given up on counting the amount of times that Black touches his hair. It'd be a week from now and I'd be up to a thousand, and really, who wants to waste numbers on parchment.

So Lily and Lottie are at breakfast, and I'm attempting to hide out in the common room, however if Black decides to come in here I'm screwed.

So I woke up early, as usual, and went to go get breakfast and what do I see? Black and Tammy eating, next to each other. This is obviously problematic as where would I eat besides next to Tammy? 

He's ruining my friendships, and ruining my food!

Does she know he's the one that spilled mucus all over her? Huh? Does she? I could always just, well, send her a note.

Good thinking Eva.

I'm going to starve to death.

In the long run, thirty galleons isn't even that much money!

Actually, well, according to muggle studies, it would be about 150 pounds, 340 Australian dollars or 300 American dollars, which, in the muggle world, is probably a lot.

I would like fifteen galleons now that I think about it.

Actually, that would involve getting closer than a foot to Black, which in the long run, is probably not a good idea. He probably smells really bad.

I think I need to visit a mental hospital.

Ahh, speaking of mental instability, here comes Lily!

"What on earth are you doing?" She hissed, attempting to squeeze her way into the crevice I had forced myself into. "I had to put up with not only the marauders but Potter and Black's fifth year female stalkers (fifthy's). Not good."

I rolled my eyes. "So dramatic."

"Well I'm not the one whose hiding," Lily sputtered. "Lottie's stuck there, trying to detain the bloody prat quadruplet (triplet, in my opinion) while I've been hunting for you. Get out of your crevice and come eat!"

My eyes widened; Lily must have been around Potter for over half an hour if she was this frazzled, but, well, I couldn't very well just go could I? "Uh, no, sorry Lil, I have, well, things to do, places to be, that sort of thing, you know."

"You're not still worried about the whole snogging thing are you?" Lily questioned. "I've forgiven you for that anyway. And, if you think about it, Black will have probably managed to escape Lottie's clutches by now and won't be there when we get to the great hall."

"You make an interesting point." But not good enough to get me down there.

Lily sighed. "I hate to have to resort to this, but if you don't come, I will be forced to tell a certain someone about a certain thing that you wouldn't really want anyone to know about."

Despite Lily's ridiculously uninformative threat, I actually understood the basis of it, and was either referring to the fact that once I stole Black's underwear and transfigured it into an apple pie, which he ate, or the fact that I have designed every aspect of Remus' and my wedding, which, realistically, would cause damage through whoever she told.

I narrowed my eyes. "You wouldn't."

"Whatever you think I mean, I would," she laughed.

"But how on earth can you know what I'm thinking of? There's multiple options." She wouldn't be able to get out of this one.

"Exactly," She grinned. "So any of them I can do, and it will have the same effect."

Dammit. I hate her, I really do. "I hate you."

"I know. Now, move your butt, the Great Hall and  _finally_ some decent company awaits!" Lily grabbed my arm and yanked,  _rude,_ and within what seemed like moments I found myself at the entrance of the Great Hall.

Somehow I managed to stop the yanking momentarily and pop a glance inside. Marauder free. Thank goodness.

"Oh come  _on_ Eva," Lily groaned. "No one's in there."

I had actually deduced that for myself, but thanks anyway. She dragged me over to the Gryffindor table where a flustered Lottie sat with her arms crossed. Joy. More people that were annoyed at me.

As soon as we arrived Lottie stood up and started babbling. "I tried my best to hold them, Lil, but you know how they are, all talk and hair and they just got the better of me and left for the common room five minutes ago and please don't be mad and oh, Eva, they've gone, and I think they've forgotten about what happened yesterday don't worry and I'm really sorry-"

"Lottie. Shut up."

Lily's sort of a straight-to-the-point kind of gal.

"Oh, yeah, right, sorry Lily."

So anyway, I've been sitting here writing this all down since Lily dragged me down here, and now Lily and Lottie are gabbing about Lottie's favourite band, the Phoenix Fiends. I'm just trying to stay hidden until Muggle Studies, and so far, no sign of the Marauders.

**Thursday**

**September 3, 1977**

**Muggle Studies**

Lily always asks me why on earth I take muggle studies, seeing as I'm muggleborn, and it's for one of a few reasons.

One - literally no one I know takes this subject, so I have peace and quiet.

Two - I lied, one person I know takes it, the gorgeous and helpful, Remus Lupin.

Three - Muggle Studies are actually interesting, thank you very much!

Four - please refer to two.

There's mostly Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs in my class, no Slytherins of course, and us two Gryffindors it would seem.

Anyway, after I escaped Lily's clutches I headed up to the dormitory to grab my textbook and parchment, when I was almost accosted by, you guessed it, Black and Potter, puzzling over some parchment. I, of course, managed to hide myself away behind a painting (thank you Brunhilda of Bratwurst), and I swore I heard Potter and Black about to discover my spot, their footsteps coming closer to the wall until mysteriously fading away.

So after that almost catastrophic experience, I grabbed my supplies and headed to the my classroom, and lo and behold, there he stood, Remus Lupin, shining (literally) in the sunlight, hunched over his parchment at a desk with an empty spot.

The only way to make this more cliche would be if there were literally no desks left in the classroom and I  _had_ to sit with him, but, there were plenty of passable spots, with a noticeable one next to Horus Harris, the possible most foul Hufflepuff to have graced the earth. His odour was not only noticeable from seven classrooms away (we've counted), but his hair was possibly as greasy as Severus Snape's, and mousy to boot.

So there I was, pondering the seating benefits of the classroom when Remus not only turned around and smiled at me, but waved at me in a 'come hither' sort of motion.

Talk about  _swoonworthy._

I, of course, put all my effort into gliding gracefully towards the desk, but, as usual, I have the grace of a flobberworm climbing a ladder, and sort of end up doing a weird sort of two-step to his seat.

"Are you quite alright, Evelyn?" He asked, his caramel hair sweeping across his forehead and his emerald eyes glimmering in the reflection of the window. (I'm quite allowed to write soppily in my own diary, thank you very much).

"Uh, yes, of course, I was merely trying to perfect my imitation of a flobberworm climbing a ladder." (See, whoever said I wasn't witty must be clobbering themselves on the head right now).

He raised an eyebrow, "I see. And how exactly does one imitate a flobberworm climbing a ladder?"

"It's a lot of shuffling really, and you also have to do the occasional lurch, they don't have arms or legs you see."

He smiled, "Makes sense."

I am brilliant, am I not?

"So, Evelyn, would you care to sit?"

Would I care? WOULD I CARE?

Somehow, I kept my composure and smiled (as daintily as humanly possible. "Oh why not."

He smiled back (swoon) and I sat down just as Professor Bunt walked in to start our lesson.

**Thursday**

**September 3, 1977**

**Library**

So normally I like to keep my private life my private life, you know? But Lily and Lottie  _obviously_ had other ideas. I had finished Muggle Studies which went by without much interest, Bunt was going on and on about cars and trains, and so I didn't have any time to make any real progress with Remus. As I was saying, I finished Muggle Studies and headed off to my next class, which was potions. I was then accosted in the corridor by my supposedly 'best friends,' who not only dragged me into my second crevice for the day, but started by bombarding me with questions that were not only nonsense, but irrelevant!

"So what happened?" Lily asked, her eyes wide.

"Sorry, what?"

"With Remus!" Lottie added, as if that would make more sense.

"What?"

"In Muggle Studies?" Said Lily.

"Huh?"

"Your class with Remus in Muggle Studies." Lottie looked at me as if I were bonkers, which was obviously  _not_ true. I am perfectly sane. I think.

"Why would anything happen?"

"Now, Eva." Lily said, grabbing me by the shoulders. "Have you, Evelyn Katherine Olivia Bishop, had a crush on one, Remus Lupin since the beginning of sixth year?"

"Well that would be a correct statement."

"And have you, Evelyn, not been waiting for an opportunity, the perfect opportunity to mate-"

"To what?" I think I misheard Lily there.

"-to make a more-than-friends opportunity?"

I narrowed my eyes, "Well yes, of course."

"So wouldn't Muggle Studies, a class home to only two Gryffindors, be the perfect opportunity to make. Your. Move?"

Well I can see her point now. "Well he did ask me to sit with him, so there's that."

Lottie almost jumped from excitement. "He what?"

Bloody saps. The lot of them. "You know, when there's a spare seat, and there's only two other Gryffindors in the class, and so naturally one Gryffindor invites the other Gryffindor to sit with him."

I swear, Lily and Lottie were quite oblivious sometimes.

"I'm not sure why, Lottie," Lily said, "But our dear friend Evelyn here has suddenly developed an unexcitement complex of some sort. I'm not quite sure how, but it seems she must have been slipped a calming draught."

"You seem to be right there, Lily. Under normal circumstances our dear Eva here would be more excited than Potter and Black during detention, but she seems to be," And this is when Lottie exchanged a worried glance with Lily, "- _unconcerned."_

Okay, they were definitely both bonkers. I guess it sort of makes sense, I have been waiting for this moment for like, a year, but STILL, Remus probably only wants me to sit with him for my muggleborn knowledge, and with the whole snogging incident with Black, he also probably thinks I'm mentally challenged or something.

"Guys, you know we're three minutes late for potions right," I added helpfully.

"Oops!" Lily smiled, and ran off in the opposite direction, leaving Lottie and I to regain our wits and follow after her.

When we got there Slughorn gave us disapproving looks but dismissed us with a winningly charming smile from Lily, his possible favourite student, waved us to our seats and continued talking about aging potions.

However, being last to class had certain disadvantage, namely, lack of seating choices. Lottie saw her opportunity and went and sat with Hollie Beckham, an actually genuinely not bad Slytherin. This left the two worst seats in the classroom, those directly in front of, well, you guessed it, Potter and Black.

Marley and Alice shot us concerned glances from the table next to us but Lily and I braved through the utter horror and unfortunate circumstances that we now found ourselves in.

Almost immediately I felt a piece of parchment hit the back of my head.

" _Oi,_ Bishop," could also be heard being hissed behind me.

Normally it was Potter hissing at Lily.

Dammit Black.

The parchment read:

_Dearest Evelyn,_

_I do hope you have changed your mind, as I can think of many things I could buy with 15 galleons._

Yeah. Like deodorant.

_No one would have to know, except well James. And actually probably Remus and Peter. And knowing you, Evans and Charlotte. That adds up to a total sum of seven people, which realistically, isn't an awful lot for a one minute sort of thing._

One minute! What sort of snogging does he want to get into? My innocence!

_Because of your severe need to ignore me, and your superiority complex,_

I do not have a superiority complex, thank you very much! Gosh, he doesn't know anything!

_I understand that you wouldn't normally do something like this, but please dredge out even a smidgen of compassion from that small heart of yours and consider making a poor man 15 galleons richer!_

Uh, he does know that I know the Blacks are one of the oldest and richest pureblood families in Britain, right?

_Don't leave me penniless._

Well thanks for that letter Black, it really made me feel sorry for you. Probably shouldn't have gone for the money angle, that really didn't work in your favour.

I was interrupted by a nudge in the ribs from Lily. "Eva, stop sending reading that crap and pay attention to Slughorn!"

Wow. Friendship is dead.

Anyway, after that I was forced by my supposed best friend to pay attention, and then, miraculously did not get harassed by Black at all for the lesson.

"Students," Professor Slughorn added at the end of instructing us how to make our Aging potions. "The person you are sitting with will be your partner for the rest of the year, so choose wisely." He shot a glance over the class and noticed the bloody prat duo grinning at each other. "Except," he frowned, "you boys."

He smiled at Lily, "Miss Evans, I hope it wouldn't be too much trouble if you were to trade seats with Mr Black and work with the Head Boy for the year?"

Obviously he didn't know about the 100-year-war going on between Lily and Potter or else he wouldn't have dared suggest it.

Lily grimaced. "Uh, well actually."

"Lovely," Slughorn grinned. "I'll be sure to see you and Mr Potter working well together next lesson, now, class dismissed! Tomorrow we'll be actually making our potions, so remember to bring your cauldrons!"

Poor Lily.

She grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the classroom before I could blink. "Eva, this is possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to me," she wailed, quite dramatically, I might add.

"Lily! How are you holding up?" Lottie joined us, a bit puffed after running to catch up.

"Not good," She groaned. "I think I'm going to die."

"Well at least you and Eva will die together!" Lottie attempted to diffuse the situation.

Wait.

What?

"Huh?" I added, ever so eloquently.

"You have to work with Sirius?" Lottie pointed out, confused.

I managed to use my nerves of steel and not pass into a dead faint, but still, a small part of me died when she said that.

"I'm gonna what?"

Now Lottie looked even more concerned. "I'm not sure what's up with you today Eva, but you're acting awfully funny. First the thing with Remus, and now not even noticing that you'll have to work with Sirius?"

"Sirius? Since when have you called Black Sirius?" I asked.

"Since always?" Lottie replied.

"But- but- but Sirius? What is this?"

"You call Remus Remus," Lottie pointed out.

WHAT AUDACITY.

"Yeah, but that's Remus! And besides, most of the time Remus isn't a BLOODY TERROR!"

"I think both of you are forgetting the most important thing here!" Lily shouted. "I have to work with bloody Potter!"

And now I'm sitting in the library, writing this, while Lily is upstairs crying over the fact that she is now being forced to have an existential crisis, and Lottie's puzzling over why she became friends with us in the first place.

Still avoiding Black.

Bloody menace.

I'm going to bed.

**Thursday**

**September 3, 1977**

**Gryffindor Dorm**

UPDATE:

So I was trying to go to bed when I HAD AN INCIDENT WITH BLACK AND I'M MENTIONING IT HERE SO I DON'T FORGET TO WRITE IT DOWN TOMORROW BECAUSE IT IS TWELVE NOW AND I NEED TO SLEEP.

SOMEBODY HELP ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Concerned about what happens next chapter? I would be too. *laughs evilly*
> 
> Please leave feedback/comments anything really so I know that people are actually reading! It would mean a lot! (:
> 
> xox


	4. I Need Some Serious Counseling

**Friday**

**September 4, 1977**

**Library**

So it's breakfast right now, and I'm hiding out in the library. Actually, now that I mention it, I seem to be doing a lot of hiding. I'm not entirely sure why, because Black's just being Black, just more... gitish. Also due to the events of last night I'm avoiding anyone with eyes or a mouth.

So anyway last night.

I was sitting in the library, avoiding pretty much anyone who would force me to become more like Lily and question the entirety of the universe. Lily was, of course, up in our dorm, questioning the universe, which the other girls were used to by now, and Lottie was most likely comforting her, seeing as I was avoiding everyone.

I am so outraged at the moment!

I was so happy that my day was not going to be cliche (I mean the Remus thing, lets be honest), but the Potions incident? Slughorn? Why would you do this to me? Part of my life's work purely consists of avoiding cliches!

Black is not at the top of my list of 'people I would like to work with!' In fact, he's not on it at all! What a git.

What a bloody git.

I bet he planned the whole thing.

Anyway, the library was nice and comforting for my life-questioning needs, and I had just finished writing down the events of the day, when I heard a sort of rustling behind me. In my distressed state I flung my wand arm out and muttered  _'Anteoculatia,'_ not really considering that it could have been an innocent Hufflepuff first year behind me (not that you'll find any of those - mark my words! Just ask Hol Buggery - a poor Ravenclaw in my year who was on the bad end of a nasty foul during a quidditch match against Hufflepuff).

I then, of course, was forced to turn around to admire my handiwork when what did I see? A mildly distressed Sirius Black, that's what!

Black sort of stood there, three feet behind me, opening his mouth like a fish and probably trying to ignore the six foot long antlers sprouting from his head.

His eyes started bulging, and his faced turned red, and that's when I knew I was done for, done for I tell you! My life was over, Black was going to kill me, there and then. But then, for some bizarre reason, unknown to any sort of sane person, Black started laughing!

There I was, fully expecting my head to spontaneously combust, and he started laughing!

"Shut up!" I hissed. "Pince'll hear you, and then where will we be?" I started slowly picking my things up (to run) as Black slowly started sobering up (as he very well should have. The thought of a crazy french librarian coming after you is not a positive one).

I knew I was done for. I knew my life was over. Last year I was an innocent, young sixth year, unconcerned by the antics of the marauders, but it hadn't been a week yet and Black had already offered to snog me numerous times (like, rude!), stolen my seat at the breakfast table, destroyed any chance of doing well in potions and basically ruined my chance of having a good year. What an awful person.

Anyway, the git in question was standing there, six foot antlers raking the ceiling, and I was standing there, books in my arms, getting ready to bolt, when we heard Pince muttering two shelves over.

Black raised his eyebrows and quickly crouched down, trying to hide his new painfully obvious abnormality (not that I was complaining. I wish I had a camera so that I could take a picture of his head bobbing stupidly like that).

I looked left and right, there was nowhere to run. Pince was on the left and on my right was only one shelf and then a wall.

"Bishop," Black hissed. "Fix this."

I blanched. In my panic of not getting a detention all forms of counter charms had left my brain.

"Bishop! Hurry!" Black whisper-yelled, unintentionally drawing the attention of the resident psycho librarian. Idiot.

 _Finite!_ That was it! I just had to get my wand... I reached into my pocket and grabbed my wand, dropping my books and falling to my knees in the process, but still managing to splutter out the counter-charm in the process.

Black, in all his wisdom, reached down to steady me by leaning down and putting his hands on my shoulders, just as Pince rounded the corner, noticing me on my knees, Black's hands on my shoulders, both our clothing rumpled and both of us out of breath from the stress of attempting not to get detention.

Pince's eyebrows almost leaped off of her face as she ripped Black backwards and pulled me up off the floor, her grip iron. "I will not stand for any form of fornication in this library, and especially not at this hour of night!" Pince yelled, drawing the attention of several curious Hufflepuffs, and then saying some unsavory words in French that should not be translated on any form of paper.

Wait.

nO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

Black's eyes widened in surprise and I almost choked in horror as I attempted to get my protests out. "No, no... I wasn't, we weren't, I just-"

"Quiet you *insert unquotable French word here*," Pince scowled. "You may not have gotten the whole way but I've known enough students to know that boys are fond of other ways to-"

"Oh no," I spluttered, "I was only on my knees because I-"

"I don't want to hear any of your excuses you  _salope_ (this one is not so bad - think prostitute but cruder)! Both of you will have detention every night for two weeks, and twenty points will be take from Gryffindor. Each."

All I could do was stand in horror as Pince dragged Black and I out of the library and to Professor McGonagall's office, Black seemingly unperturbed by the change of events, and my books still scattered all over the back corner of the Charms section.

"I just, I wasn't', I-" but Pince ignored my pitiful protests and we rounded the corner to the possibly scarier head of Gryffindor's office.

McGonagall stormed out, her scarlet dressing gown fluttering about her ankles and her normally composed hair let down for the night. "Would anyone care to tell me how we lost forty points for Gryffindor so early in the term, leaving us with a fine score of minus five?"

Pince smiled (evilly), her nails (talons) digging into my shoulders. "I found these two participating in some unsavoury acts in the library."

McGonagall's eyebrows seemed to recede into her hairline as she reviewed the situation. "I would expect this from you Mr Black, but Miss Bishop?"

"No, I wasn't, we weren't-" I weakly tried to explain, glancing towards Black for some sort of agreement but he seemed more amused than anything, and uninterested in pleading our case.

"You will report to Filch for your detentions at 7pm sharp every evening until your detention period is over, and Miss Bishop?" McGonagall frowned, "One more slip up like this and I will be forced to review your prefect status."

I couldn't believe what was happening.

"Now both of you, off to your rooms. Now."

McGonagall left with one last scowl, slamming the door behind her. I was fuming. I couldn't believe that Black had just stood there the whole time, just nodding and agreeing with everything she said! It was like he didn't care!

"Back to bed now," Madam Pince smiled nastily. I swear, she and Flich must be related. Aside from her french accent. Maybe they were secret lovers once and that's why they hate everyone.

Anyway, I trudged down the hallway, silently fuming, and doing my best to ignore the thing next to me. May I remind you of the transfigured leech point.

"So..." Black said, blatantly ignoring my death stares. I would hex the life out of him if I hadn't wanted to be a prefect so badly. Also two weeks of detention was enough for me.

"Didn't see that one coming did we," he tried again.

I walked a little faster.

"Are you angry at me or something?" Black asked.

WHAT A BLOODY GIT YOU STUPID LITTLE GIT LEECH BLOODY IDIOT.

"You do know that it was you that gave me the antlers right, that was on you."

That's it.

"I have just  _had it_  with you Black," I snarled. "It's not even the first week and you've already made my life hell-"

"Is this the snogging thing?" He interrupted. "Because that wouldn't exactly be he-"

"And on top of that, Pince thought we were, that I was, that- and you didn't even say anything against it! Those Hufflepuff's saw and so by tomorrow the whole school is going to know that we got detention because Pince thought we were- well- and you didn't, you didn't say anything to oppose it!"

I think that there's a reason that people say girls are more mature. Mostly due to the fact that boys are BLOODY IDIOTS. DAMN BLOODY IDIOTS.

"You do know that they wouldn't have believed a single word that came out of our mouths, right? And besides, this way both of us get detention, instead of just you, you know. For hexing six-foot antlers on top of my head." Black patted my back. Patronizing tosser.

"This is all your fault Black," I hissed. "Fix it."

I was done with Black. Done. Positively finished. He could kiss his sorry arse.

**Friday**

**September 4, 1977**

**Library**

Agh. Was almost seen by a Hufflepuff. What is with those Hufflepuffs anyway? Aren't they supposed to be nice? Sneaky tossers.

So now, diary, you understand exactly why my life is ruined, and exactly why I need to hide out.

When I got back to my dorm everyone was asleep, so I couldn't say anything to Lottie or Lily, and then after tossing and turning all night I woke up early and came here, positive the word of my skanky antics had been shared all around the castle.

I'm very hungry.

Damn. It's almost time for class. I've Muggle Studies first up thank goodness, as I won't have to face anyone I'm actually friends with. Aside from Remus. Damn. Well this can either go two ways - he, having had previous experience with the unorthodox Sirius Black, would either believe the rumours, or, knowing my reputation, would laugh them off.

Great. I can't avoid the world anymore. Off to Muggle Studies!

**Friday**

**September 4, 1977**

**Muggle Studies**

The whole way here everyone was looking at me. I think. I was avoiding looking anywhere besides the ground. Everyone seemed more whispery than usual. I'm interested to know what everyone is saying about me though. 'Did you hear that Eva was caught skanking it up with Black in the library last night' is probably it. Hopefully. Knowing this school it could be much worse.

Anyway, I'm in Muggle Studies and I'm sitting next to Remus and he hasn't done anything unusual! He said 'hey Eva, how are you on this fine morning?' And I replied, "confused and concerned" which he seemed to be okay with. No ladder-climbing flobberworms either today.

Should I be concerned? I don't know. Maybe I should talk to Remus. I'm not sure. AGH.

You know what, what's the worse thing that could happen?

"Hey, um, Remus." I whispered, whilst the professor was arguing with a Ravenclaw over the true meaning behind the microwave.

He glanced up from his work, and after taking a quick look at the professor, whispered "yes?"

A RESPONSE! IT'S A MIRACLE! Who know what'll happen next. Kill me.

"Well, uh, seeing as you're friends with Black and all, and due to the fact that you have ears, I was merely wondering if you'd heard about-"

"How Pince apparently caught you and Sirius, uh, well, in the library last night, causing us to lose forty points, you to receive a detention every night for two weeks, which is rather lucky, considering Pince, but I guess she likes you," Remus interrupted with annoying detail.

I winced. Merlin's knickers! Wait, Pince likes me? Odd.

"I would, however, like to add that I have been informed of some information that the resident Hufflepuff gossip mill was unaware of when they shared the story, with amusing detail, this morning at breakfast." Remus smiled, glancing over once again at Professor Bunt who had transitioned to the riveting topic of hand-held soap dispensers.

"So you know that we weren't really, uh..." Oh golly, I can't even get the words out as it disturbs me on quite a large number of levels.

"I might need to come to you next time I'm in need of some charm work though," Remus grinned. "I heard they were impressive antlers and I would have given anything to see Padfoot's face when you hexed him."

Padfoot? Probably means Black.

Ahh Remus. You beautiful human.

"But, in case you're interested," Remus added, again looking over his shoulder at Bunt who I think has transitioned to the aerodynamics of the tricycle. "Your story is famous. Everyone's talking about it."

Oh my.

"I think it may actually be good for your reputation, if you care about such things. People won't think you're as much of a stuck-up prude anymore."

STUCK UP PRUDE? EXCUSE ME?

"A stuck-up what?" I hissed at Remus.

He looked concerned for a second before answering. "You didn't know?"

"Know what?" Golly Remus.

Remus looked concerned again. "That's what people generally say about you. Not stuck-up in the Slytherin type of way, but the type of way that you're unapproachable and too smart to be in Gryffindor."

Well I guess I did get all O's on my OWLs.

"But at least now they don't think you're a prude," Remus added.

A prude? Me? A PRUDE? Well alright, I must admit, I haven't really put myself out there - I've at least dated more than Lily and Lottie, (who, aside from Lily dating Hol Buggery in fourth year in order to annoy Potter - it's a long story - haven't actually gone out with anyone), with a total of two boyfriends.

Two! It's a miracle. You may be wondering how this happened, with me being me and all (or as Hogwarts puts it - a prude), but in second year I was asked out by a third year Gryffindor named Scott McCloud (quite a scandal) right after I had just won thirty points for Gryffindor after my winning the second-years dueling competition (which was discontinued in my third year after some poor Slytherin lost an eye), and it lasted all of two weeks before he dumped me to be with Hanna Hartford, the Ravenclaw bombshell in the year above him, who, coincidentally, also won the second-year dueling competition in her day. Apparently she now does modelling. They broke up after two days. HA.

Anywway, my second boyfriend was in fifth year, the year before I developed my 'infatuation' as Lily puts it, with Remus Lupin. His name was, well still is, Amos Diggory, and he was two years my senior, which was even more scandalous than Scott McCloud, as Amos was the resident Hufflepuff quidditch captain and head boy, with flowing gold locks and toned and chiseled ( _extremely_ ) abs.

Lily went bonkers when she found out we were going out, and she held a party up in our dorm, and Alice sneaked in some firewhisky and all five of us got a bit tipsy as I recounted the story.

It was a good relationship. Lasted nine months. Then he realized he was leaving school and I had two more years and he couldn't be tied down to a student if he wanted a job at the ministry. Git.

That really put me of guys until I opened my eyes and saw the beauty who was right in front of me. Literally. He's right there, now. Back to my point. "I am not a prude!" I hissed, crossing my arms in indignation. "I dated Amos Diggory for nine months, and Scott McCloud in second year."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but you never actually did anything with Amos, you only snogged in public once, and there weren't any rumors, well, evidence, that you two had properly hooked up."

Well Remus just took an interesting turn. "You do know that most people, actually, all people, including me, didn't actually know that, right. How do you know about the snogging thing?" I narrowed my eyes and his cheeks turned pink. It is mighty unusual that he could recount facts about my snogging habits...

"I, uh," he cleared his throat awkwardly. "I had a bit of a crush on you back in fifth year. I was going to ask you out but then he did and so I wrote everything about your relationship down in a notebook, uh, it was a bit stalkerish... sorry."

I think I must have misheard him. Or maybe I didn't. I think my heart has stopped beating. Am I having a heart attack? AM I? I'm also going to choose to ignore the borderline stalking but AM I HAVING A HEART ATTACK??

Remus avoided my eyes and his face went red. "But that was totally two years ago, I'm totally over it."

A HEART ATTACK?... Oh... Well then.

"Completely over it."

I don't think my heart can take any more of this tugging in different directions. What is this strange sensation I'm feeling in the corners of my eyes? Is that... is that water?

Remus shifted in his seat. "Eva?"

"What? Oh. Yes. Good. Yes. Thanks. Yes."

"What?" Remus looked confused. Which generally happens when people spend a prolonged amount of time with me.

"Uh. Well I'm not a prude."

Remus looked relieved that I was dropping the subject. "Oh. Well okay." Then all of a sudden a look of alarm flashed into his face. "Eva, look out!" He said, staring over my shoulder.

I turned around to see a levitating paperweight heading straight for my head.

And didn't duck. Because my vision was obscured by the water in my eyes.

Bam.

 


	5. Maybe We Should Invest in Some New Beds

**Saturday**

**September 5, 1977**

**Hospital Wing**

I woke up to find myself in a different bed with Madam Pomfrey standing over me.

"I thought I told you last year, Eva, any more trips to the hospital wing and we may need to confine you here permanently," Pomfrey smiled, fussing with some potions.

Ahh yes. Pomfrey and I are on excellent terms - mostly due to the fact that I inherited my mother's clumsy gene and have a habit of forgetting where the fake stairs are, and fall through them.

"What happened?" I asked, sitting up and immediately feeling my head ache. "I remember I was in Muggle Studies and I was talking to Remus and then I was hit."

Oh.

Remus.

Is that water I feel leaking out of my eye?

Pomfrey finished fussing over her potions before passing one over to me. "Here Eva, drink this. It's a blood-replenishing potion and you should feel better soon And I'm glad you seem to have all your memory sorted. And regarding your accident? From what I heard, Professor Bunt and Miss Fletcher were having an argument over some sort of muggle contraption and Miss Fletcher thought it would be a good idea to demonstrate with a paperweight, but misjudged the weight to levitation ratio and well, here you are."

"Ahh yes, the classic paperweight to the head."

"Twenty points have been removed from Ravenclaw, if that makes you feel any better." Pomfrey grabbed the empty potion from my hand, which did make me feel better, now that I was back to the proper amount of blood one should have in their body.

"Did anyone come to visit me?" I asked. Just curious. Just curemus. What?

Pomfrey moved over to the bed next to me, straightening the sheets. "Well Mr Lupin came to drop you off some time yesterday morning, and a few of your classmates; Miss Anson, Miss Evans, Mr Lupin again, and Mr Black came by at varying hours today." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "You have about fifteen minutes until lunch if you would like to go to your dorm and freshen up."

Black? Bloody tosser. Thinks he can get back into my good books if he pretends he gives a doxy's arse. Well not on my watch!

But Remus came! _And my friends_ my subconscious offered. Well yes, thank you subconscious. BUT REMUS!

 _You need to sort out your priorities_ my subconscious advised.

Well thanks.

"Come back just after dinner so I can give you another dose before you go to bed." Pomfrey helped me out of bed and with a pat on my back said, "Now off you trot; freshen up, go to lunch and if your head is hurting make sure to rest. I've let all of your teachers know that you might not be in your best spirits, but it's Saturday so you should be feeling better by the time classes start again next week."

"Thanks, Madam Pomfrey!"

What a lovely lady. Honestly. We should make her head of Gryffindor, but I think McGonagall would complain. Maybe we should clone her and replace Pince. Now there's a good idea!

**Saturday**

**September 5, 1977**

**Great Hall**

Well. Here I am. The Great Hall. Smack bang in the middle of everyone.

So I had firstly forgotten it was Saturday and had left my dorm after changing thinking it was Friday and everyone would be in class and I could go to lunch early and grab food and run before people with eyes and mouths showed up, but sadly, it didn't quite work out that way.

So I walked down and opened the doors and walked in - where most of the student body was eating lunch. I immediately made eye contact with Lily as I walked in, and sadly, it seems as if her staring was a virus, which seemingly infected the rest of the room in seconds.

It's weird, everyone talking and laughing with their friends and then bam. Nothing.

Then the whispering started. Everyone, left and right of me started whispering to their friends and pretending that they weren't all talking about me and my skanky antics.

Everyone just staring and whispering and staring and whispering and me not being mentally prepared to face this so I just stared at Lily who was slowly turning red, with Lottie looking at me, concerned.

A loud BANG suddenly distracted everyone from the poor Gryffindor standing in the doorway as Lily stood up on the bench, her wand spouting vague wisps of smoke. "Alright everyone, listen up! If you've got nothing better to do than gossip about people who may actually not have done what you think they did then I feel sorry for your sad, pathetic little lives! Get back to whatever lame conversation you were having!"

And just like magic, everyone went back to their conversations, fearing the wrath of the half-crazed head girl standing on the table with a smoking wand.

I slowly walked forward towards the others, ignoring the more than occasional glances in my direction. As soon as I neared Lily she jumped off the bench, walked over, grabbed my arm and dragged me over to sit between her and Lottie. Marley and Alice were on the other side of the table, shooting concerned smiles in my direction.

"What on earth happened to you?" Lily whisper-shouted, her eyes widening, making her already red face seem more frazzled.

"Well, I wasn't concentrating and so I just hexed him and then it all got so confusing and-"

"No Eva, we know about the mistake," Lily frowned.

"Yeah," Added Marley. "The whole of Gryffindor knows."

"And I talked to Frank and asked if he could spread the truth around the Hufflepuffs," Alice assured.

Good ol' Frank Longbottom.

"I mean with the hospital wing!" Lily asked. "What happened?"

"Yeah!" Echoed Lottie. "Pomfrey wouldn't tell us and the boys have been absent all yesterday and today."

"They have?" Weird. Yet they popped in to see me. Aren't I special! But seriously, weird.

"Yeah, but that's not important." Lily frowned and slung an arm around my shoulders. "What happened to your head? It was all bandaged when we came to visit."

"Oh." I frowned at the table. "Well there was a paperweight incident in Muggle Studies... and well..."

"A paperweight incident? What was Bunt doing?"

I winced. "Well she sort of.. um, well..."

Lily banged her fist on the table, making us all jump out of skins. "You mean a professor did that?"

"Oh no," I quickly jutted in. "There was just an argument and the levitation ratio got confused and the student in question lost control. And I was too frazzled to react."

That reminds me. Remus. Damn him and his timing.

"Frazzled?" Asked Lily, the corners of her mouth turning down. Almost immediately after they lifted into a smirk. "Remus?"

I couldn't help but blush from embarrassment. "He just told me-"

I glanced up to see Marley and Alice looking at me in earnest.

"Uh."

Marley glanced at Lily before quickly saying, "We know about your thing for Remus, Eva. You don't need to hide it."

BLOODY LILY.

I narrowed my eyes in Lily's direction but she held her hands up in defense saying, "They worked it out for themselves, Eve, it's not your best kept secret."

It's not my.. what?

Wait.

Does that mean other people know?

"Do other people know?" I asked, hushing my voice and glancing around me.

"How would I know?" Lily raised an eyebrow. "I can't say anything for definite but some people may have suspicions. You're not the most subtle person around."

Bloody hell.

Lottie, ever efficient, glanced at her watch. "Uh, guys, you may want to eat something, we've only got five minutes left of lunch."

Great.

I grabbed two cucumber sandwiches and a plate of roast beef and ignored any further talk from the girls in order to eat my fill... I hadn't eaten since dinner on Thursday, seeing as I skipped breakfast to hide yesterday and then had to, well, be knocked out until recently.

**Saturday**

**September 5, 1977**

**The Black Lake**

So after lunch I told Lily and Lottie that I was just going to go up to my dorm to have a nap, but really I wanted to come down to the lake and just sit for a bit with my diary.

On the way down I heard no less than twenty-seven people say my name, and also three more rumors, that upon hearing them, had me jumping for joy.

Not.

So apparently I'm pregnant with Black's twins, and the reason I was in the hospital wing is because I started having contractions, had an early birth, and consequently, a miscarriage. Fun.

I'm also supposed to be eloping with him as of now, which is why we've both been missing.

And on top of that, I've also developed over ten STD's and a foot fetish.

So it turns out I've really got my work cut out for me in the next day or so to fix this. At least Frank Longbottom shot me a smile as he earnestly told some of his friends the real story. The antler one.

And speaking of rumors, I can't believe I'm known as a stuck up prude?! I am far from stuck up! Maybe I should fail a class.

HA!

Yeah right!

Maybe I should get a boyfriend?

WAIT, THAT'S BRILLIANT.

HOLY MERLIN THAT'S BRILLIANT EVA!

If I get a boyfriend then people will stop thinking that I'm a prude, and well they sort of go together, so if I get a boyfriend that is sort of well, rough around the edges then people will assume that I'm not stuck up!

Su

Sorry, the wind turned my page and my quill smudged. Oh look! I can see one of the giant squid's tentacles!

This is actually a really nice spot. I'm sitting just a bit away from the Black Lake, down next to the Forbidden Forest, on the opposite side of Hagrid's hut. It's really quiet, and the lake is just lapping gently, and there's a slight breeze which is kind of annoying but if I- wait a sec.

I just moved a bit back into the forest, and I'm leaning against a tree trunk and so the wind blocked by the trees.

There is literally no one around - where is everyone?

Like it's literally dead silent. I'll probably reread this years from now and just picture this moment. The silence, the water. No stress.

It's perfect.

MERLIN'S PANTS, BLACK.

It's no longer perfect.

My view is obstructed with an UNATTRACTIVE, INCREDIBLY UGLY person.

He's maybe 200 yards back, but he's coming down the hill on my left - I don't know if he can see me or not but regardless, I'm ignoring him.

Okay wait I can see him looking... looking... looking... bloody hell, he's seen me.

If only I was an animagus. Like an eagle or something. Then I could just fly away.

He's getting closer, like fifty yards now. I'm just going to hex him as soon as he gets here. That way he won't be able to talk to me.

Thirty yards.

Twenty.

Ten.

He's coming into the forest, smiling. What nerve! I'm purposely only looking at him out of the corner of my eye, and I very subtly have my wand out. Well now's as good a time to practice my non-verbal spells as any.

 _Silencio._ Nothing.

"Hi, Bishop."

_Silencio._

Black went to say something but instead his mouth started opening and closing like a fish and he grabbed his throat.

"Black."

He narrowed his eyes and stormed over to me, his wand out, but I was ready.

He pointed his wand at me and then used his other arm to point at his throat.

"Got something caught in your throat eh Black?"

He glared at me.

"Yeah. Just like I apparently did," I muttered under my breath, but apparently Black heard it as he attempted to laugh, but just ended up choking on air.

Serves him right for laughing at my misfortune.

Black kept glaring but when it became apparent that I was going to keep ignoring him he fumbled around in his pockets until he pulled out a piece of parchment and then ripped my quill out of my hands.

BLOODY HELL!

He furiously scribbled and held out the parchment which read:

_EVELYN BISHOP GIVE ME MY VOICE BACK! LET ME TALK TO YOU! STOP BING SO BLOODY RUDE!_

I narrowed my eyes. "You misspelled being."

He looked at the parchment, rolled his eyes and quickly scribbled in an 'e' and held it out again.

Meh. Might as well hear him out. I could always hex him again. I muttered the counter charm and he let out a breath and threw my quill at me.

"Merlin's beard, Bishop, touchy much?"

Well he's just- I narrowed my eyes. "I'll hex you again Black."

He held up his hands in defense and took a step back. Good.

He took another step back and sat down against the tree, stuffing the parchment back into his robe. He sat there for maybe another twenty seconds before he said anything. "I heard you got hit with a paperweight."

"How did you know where I was?" I asked. Obviously I would ask that. What a stalker.

His hand drifted to his other pocket and he stalled for a second before replying, "I asked Lottie."

Weird. I didn't tell Lottie where I was going. Maybe she found my empty bed and guessed where I was?

"Hm."

"How's your head?" He tried again.

What was this? Why was he asking me this? Since when has he ever cared about my well-being? Maybe I should just get straight to it and vocalise my thoughts. "Since when have you ever cared a smidgen about my well-being, Black?"

His brows furrowed in confusion. "Since what?"

"You can stop pretending you give a doxy's arse about me, Black, you've already ruined my life once, I don't need you to do it again."

His face contorted and he looked almost... hurt?

Not that I care. Of course.

Well he did come to visit me in the hospital wing. Maybe this is all part of some elaborate prank?

Within seconds though his eyes narrowed, his face brightened and he stood up, brushing off his robes.

"Hey Bishop?" He asked.

"Yeah?"

"Will you snog me for twenty galleons?"

I threw a rock at his retreating back.

**Saturday**

**September 5, 1977**

**The Gryffindor Common Room**

So I've recently discovered what the marauders have been up to all day. Stupid bloody pricks.

I got back up to the castle after accidentally falling asleep at the lake and waking up halfway through dinner, so naturally I rushed back for some food.

Upon entering the Great Hall I wasn't greeted with the stares and whispers I still wasn't used to, but instead a bunch of disgruntled Hufflepuffs and the Ravenclaws, Gryffindors and Slytherins laughing amongst themselves.

Lily saw me and ran up to me, beaming. "Eva, come on, come on, you'll never guess what happened!"

She dragged me over to where she was sitting with Lottie, Alice and Marley across from them and the four marauders to their left. I sat on Lily's right, away from Black who was shooting me smirks across the other side of the table.

Lottie's face looked red from laughter and she was talking to Peter and looking conspiratorial. "So, what happened?" I asked, naturally.

Lily grinned. "This afternoon, after you went to sleep, a bunch of fireworks went off in the Hufflepuff common room. It was a ruckus!"

"Yeah," Alice piped in. "Frank told me that he was the one that let them in! I feel so, like, powerful! I'm dating a daredevil!"

"Who is them?"

As soon as I asked that I realised what a stupid question that was. It was the boys, of course.

"That would be our handy work," James grinned, laughing at a Hufflepuff with half his hair missing. "But you should be thanking us," he said. "Now no one is talking about your accident!"

Oh.

Um.

Should I thank them?

"No need to thank us, Bishop," Sirius grinned, leaning towards me over Marley's shoulder.

I narrowed my eyes. Arrogant prick.

"Actually, now that I think about it, you can thank us!" Black looked particularly evil as he said this.

"By asking Dumbledore if he can swap you to Slytherin?"

Black's face darkened for a split second before he replied. "No, actually Bishop, I'll change it back to fifteen galleons again, and we can snog!"

Marley choked on her pumpkin juice. "What?"

Black grinned. "You haven't heard?"

Marley shook her head, her eyes bulging.

Alice's eyes lit up. "You haven't finally started dating have you? It's about time!"

I'm sorry, what?

Black looked taken aback before quickly composing himself. "Actually James is paying me thirty galleons if I can get a snog in with Bishop here."

Alice laughed, "That shouldn't be difficult."

I looked at her, aghast. "Yes it bloody well will be!"

Alice narrowed her eyes as Black and then looked at me, as if trying to read something, before finally sighing and just saying, "Oh."

"Well I'm going to eat now if you don't all mind. Dinner's nearly over." I spooned some potatoes onto my plate and ignored them for the rest of dinner.

Afterwards I felt particularly tired so I decided to head up to bed. It had been a busy day of sleeping and stressing. I waved goodbye to Lily and Lottie who had decided to go play wizard's chess in the library, and headed upstairs.

I got changed, tidied my bed, which, mind you, had barely been slept in lately and was looking awfully good. I pulled the covers back and slipped my feet in.

I had barely been in for three seconds before I felt something slimy moving against my leg. I shrieked, jumped out of bed and pulled my covers back to find two large slugs that had seemingly been living in my bed!

And how did they get there?

No guesses as to who!

BLOODY BLACK! BLOODY GIT BLOODY TOSSER BLOODY BLACK!

And that's how I ended up here in the common room, writing this before I got to sleep on the couch next to the fireplace.

Wish me luck diary.

_Good luck Eva._

Thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~

**_AN:_ A new chapter! Thanks everyone who has liked or added my story, and people that comment! It means a lot!**

**Please give kudos, it'll only take a second! Thanks for reading! OXO**

 


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